Wow, I am totally sucking at everything. I haven’t posted here or on my Instagram in like a week. I haven’t been super bad, but I just totally haven’t been feeling it lately. I just haven’t been feeling at all since I re-started. I don’t want to quit, but I need to snap out of this funk and snap back into my fighting mentality. Like I just don’t feel like it. I WANT to do it though. I want to drop more weight and get shit done, but I am just not feeeeeeling it. I still lack the motivation to do anything. It freaking sucks. If I could manufacture it, I would. I can try a “fake it til you make it” thing. I am just not so sure that will work in this case. I also don’t know what I would be doing differently than I am now. I also don’t know where “fake it til you make it” lies on the realness/non-realness scale. Like if it will help, cool, but I am not trying to be fake talking about it. It’s a different fakeness, but still.
All this non-motivation is from not seeing a change. If my scale was proper and I was seeing a consistent number/decrease, that would work hand in hand to keep my motivated but I have to be stronger and find a better way to keep motivated since this option isn’t working right now. I need WAY more discipline than I have right now. Fucking shit, bruhs. I just want to get past this stupid hump and figure everything out. I am just wasting time.
The past couple years I have just woken up one day in March or April and was like “FUCK IT WE ARE DOING THIS” and just started. I thought I felt that back in February but it was more of a “ugh I guess I should probably maybe try to continue” which obviously isn’t working. I don’t know how to stop fucking around and do it. They (who? I don’t know, just them okay) say that you aren’t going to be able to do anything until you’re “ready”. Well what if I am never ready? I can’t wait around for a day that my prima-donna ass decides that it is the right time. I have to just do it. The problem is, I have been saying this since February and still probably nothing to show for it.